I don’t understand grief, I don’t know how it really feels to loose someone I love and care about. Not loosing like we no longer talk but loosing a person to the universe. Knowing in my mind that I will wake up tomorrow and not see them again, they won’t be there to talk to me, walking around with the knowledge that they are truly gone. I have lost people but not someone really close to me to the point that loosing them also takes away a piece of my soul. But I am surrounded with people who have gone through such loss. I may not completely understand their pain, understand your pain as a reader who has lost someone close but somehow (I don’t know how) I understand the pain mentally.
So, this is for you who has had a rough couple a months. It’s for you that has to wake up and put a brave face on each morning when all you want to do is cower away from the light of the world. This is for you who feels like it will never get better, for you that feels like you are alone. This is just for you! And for you who has a friend going through such an ordeal.
Grieving for a loved one is a really personal journey. Even though there is a mutual relationship between two people who share the same loose, each person goes through the pain by themselves. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the pain. For some it’s easy and for other it’s really really hard. If it turns out to be really hard for you, do not feel like your weak. You are just as strong and have so much compassion for feeling all the pain you feel. Comparing your healing process to another’s will only make it harder for you to deal with your loss. It’s not and will never be something you get by with someone else. You just have to do it by yourself, in your own terms and at your own pace.
The hardest time of grieving is one week after the burial. When everyone has gone back to their normal lives and life starts to move on again. That is the moment it hits you the hardest. The moment when reality starts to kick in and at that time you are just by yourself. All the emotions will come rushing to your mind and you will breakdown. You will continue to break down from that week onwards. What’s the reality of loss, is it just gets worse. No matter what anyone tells you or tries to make you understand. What is lost can not be retrieved. Acknowledging your pain and accepting your pain is everything. Yes, you are in pain. The pain you go through is unseen from others. The “us” who are not going through such pain can not be able to understand what makes you act the way you do. No one needs solutions from others on how to get by. All someone needs is understanding, someone to see your pain, acknowledge it, to hold your hand, to offer a shoulder to cry on, to offer a listening ear as you walk through the hole you have in your soul. Someone to understand that they can not fix you no matter how hard they want you to get back to normal.
No one is ever ready to say goodbye or let go of someone they love. Even in break ups it’s never easy, I can only but imagine the pain for someone to say goodbye knowing they will not come back. Everyone else around goes back to the daily lives. Your friends go back to usual business, your family members will also try to adjust to life as it and get by on their own way. Life is so merciless and that what’s makes grieving so hard. The world keeps spinning, life moves on, the show must go on. There is no time for you to take a step off the moving train and decide you want to take a breather. You still have responsibilities to attend to regardless of your loss. You can’t decide to fall of the wagon. You just have to get up, put on your best smile, dry off your tears and face the world head on. You carry them around hidden from the rest of the world. Hidden only in your memories. Your friends are supportive, yes but as time goes by they run out as well and fall back to their usual routine. All assuming, of course, it’s been weeks s/he is going to be just fine. They eventually stop asking you how you’re doing or checking up on you every two seconds. They burn to ask you,
“when are you going to move on from this?”
But will you even have an answer when asked? You have no idea when that will happen or if it will ever happen. But thats the painful reality, going on with life. The guilt of going on with your life. There is no need for the guilt. This life is hard. The pain is hard, but the gift we have is the love we hold for the ones we can no longer hold. On the days that the world tells you to “heal” or “move on”, shut them out. The pain is not like the pain from a broken hand or a sickness like a flu. The loved one was not a fricking broken leg, they were and will always be a piece of their soul. You will heal but just not how the world wants you to. You will breathe a little easier, smile a little genuinely. The longing might never ever leave but that’s just the fierceness of your love!
Grieving a loss is like living two lives; one where you pretend you are fine and the other where your heart screams silently in pain. I won’t write here that time heals all wounds. Who I’m I to say time will heal the pain, but I will say it does help with the pain. Death changes everything but time changes nothing, grief is not something you complete but rather endure. After a while you will start to cry a little less. The days will seem a bit brighter. You will start to wake up and feel a little lighter. You will start to smile more and even have really great days. You will find yourself going about your day and their memory comes to mind, you tear up a bit, you cry that really ugly cry and that’s okay. There days when you will wake up and the pain is back. The sadness comes rushing back and you stay in bed the whole day. You cry the whole day. That’s okay as well. Times just makes things better. The hole will become a scar, a scar that never fades. “You will survive” that’s what you’re told after you loose someone. You know what, they’re right. You Will Survive, maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow. What is often left out is that surviving and being happy are not the same thing. So I hope you find happiness even within the broken pieces. “When something breaks, if the pieces are large enough you fix them. But unfortunately some things don’t break they shatter. But when you let the light in shattered glass will glitter and in those moments when the shattered glass catch the light, you will remember just how beautiful it was….Cause that’s what you had with them magic”
“Hey, you are amazing. You are strong. You are a unicorn warrior. You are a survivor. You are amazing. We may not tell you that everyday or check up on you everyday because we know that you have to go through this journey have yourself and find the healing that you need. We know that you are strong and able to get by. All we can do is offer a hand for you to squeeze when you want to, a hand to help you walk through the rocky paths, a shoulder to cry on and a way to make your days less gloomy. We need you to know what we proud of you and that you will have happiness in the darkest of days. Life is never fair and it will never throw to us something we can’t handle. When you need a good cry, we can always promise to be there to cry with you and make you laugh those ugliest of laughs. Grief is something personal and very painful but we most surely don’t talk to you every single day about it but we feel your pain (don’t know how) but we do and we pray for you every single day! You are loved by many and the entire Broke Not Broken Family”
Was this helpful? I tried to walk a mile in someone’s shoes who has lost someone and I can’t even start to fathom their pain. Please remember your friends and family in your prayer and don’t be scared to talk to them.
Stay safe stay happy 💋